( I wrote this about a month after I met Logan. He is still this. Every. Damn. Day. If you are still aching, believing, not believing, wrestling to believe your Great Gift is out there somewhere, have hope. Just a little longer, dear one.)
You are redemption for all that has been ever stolen. Restoration from all that has been so broken. The prayer I kept blowing up from underneath all the ashes of disappointment and hopelessness. I cried out to a god I wasn’t even sure I still believed in for you, begging him to maybe, just maybe, show me that I wasn’t stupid for holding out for something better than I could imagine – maybe even believing in faith that someone like you could even exist. I cursed the sky, man after man who came through leaving trails of destruction. I yelled horrible things at god. Spitting in his face for making me a fool to believe he may have created the person I believed in.
And then you.
Out of nowhere. Suddenly, overnight, all the songs I had hoarded away behind closed doors, all the poetry, and romantic quotes, and faith I’d hidden down in my bones over the years was realized. And suddenly you were all those things. And I could not stop crying realizing in that moment that – maybe there is a god who loves me. Who loves me enough to give me you. To have made you to be all the things I had silently prayed for, and cried over and believed in, deep down in myself, even when I tried not to believe in them anymore.
I remember telling people about you before I even knew you. The kind of man I was holding out for. People would smile almost with pity and say ‘that’s nice, but it’s a lot to ask for.’ I knew the look in their eyes saying, ‘men like that just don’t exist, Carly.’
And then you.
Proved them wrong.
Proved me so right and so wrong in all the best ways.
You are goodness and tenderness that I never knew could exist in a man. You are strong and gentle, noble and pure, humble and kind, unadulterated love that I do not quite know how to absorb because I was not fed on love like this before. But I am learning, day by day, I am learning to digest your love, to strengthen my bones and heart and soul with it. I am more me than I have ever been before and suddenly all the fairy tales pale in comparison.
Less than one year later, dear reader, I married him.
